Chris Still Enjoys Working Because Of Him! PTL!

Before I start to immerse myself into work, I shall take a moment to praise Him for the blessings He has showered upon me in my career.

“Chrisenjoysworking” was a blog name I came up with before knowing the Lord. And it seems that since before I recognised Him, He was already in my life. I am still enjoying working and it’s even more enjoyable than before because it’s God-given.

God knows me so well that He blessed me with a job that I never knew about its existence. Whenever I tell people that I’m working in the ERP field, they straightaway relate it to the gantry! LOL! Being fresh in the working society, God blessed me with good souls to lead me to where He wants me to be. I had the privilege of realizing my dream job in my first job. What are the odds? When I see many still searching for their career path, I am grateful to know that God has already planned it out for me. Those who doesn’t know see it as I am lucky, but they are totally wrong, I am blessed by God and everyone can enjoy such blessings too.

My heart’s desire is to serve Him and I always lament that if I could be in God’s house 5 days in a week and work for 2 days instead, how great will that be. Yes, dream on. Haha! I have been bargaining with God, 10 years is too long. But I shall trust His plan as He never fail to amaze me as a walk this path He has carved for me.

In my first job, God empowered me to perform in a job which I was totally clueless about and take it on purely based on my faith in Him. It was such a close shave that I didn’t choose a familiar industry and chose to take on the challenge to explore the unfamiliar field. When I signed the employment letter, I regretted immediately and was crying in Church, questioning about the decision. The job description was so foreign to me, I didn’t understand my role at all and was very doubtful on being able to fit into the role. First month was tough, but God helped me to pull through, and very soon, I was excelling in it and gained everyone’s confidence in my ERP support skills. At the end of 6 months, as I was doing the yearend review with my manager, I was amazed at how much God has empowered me. This is one of the testimony that I want to hold on dearly. It’s testifies how God can raise one up to the position He has planned. It wasn’t my will by Thy will was done! Most people whom I’d worked with though I was from an IT background, when they knew that my degree is in Mathematics and Economics, they couldn’t make head or tail on how I can be in this field. I agree with their view as my human intellect cannot understand how I can pick up this role as well. Praise the Lord!

Being young in this working society, I was really afraid to be out of this comfort zone. My first job was really comfortable as there was no stress, in the sense that the pace was good and there is no hardcore deadlines to meet as I hated deadlines. I was given the freedom to do whatever I wanted and this was one factor to my love for this job. But God showed me clear signs to leave, and with a heavy heart and much disappointment towards the company, I left to a new startup with a totally different culture. It was overwhelming to me and I thought seriously about leaving during the first week at work. From an office of barely 30 people, I entered a company with like 100 people and Singaporeans being the minority. From interacting with like around 5 people each day at work to having to talk to more than 10 people each day. Being an introvert and not the so sociable kind, it was really tough. First time being under a western manager, it was even tougher. But once again, God did it, I pulled through the first month of awkwardness and doubts about my capabilities. 

My current role is a great leap from my previous one. In my previous role, it was just a standard ERP and I mainly need to focus on functional support. I was attracted to my current role as it is a company which believes in technology and is using ERP in an unconventional way to me. The idea of integrating multiple interfaces to an ERP intrigued me and I really wanted to be part of this project to witness how it can be done.  I didn’t know how I managed to get this role and how I impressed most of the people who interviewed me though I didn’t have experience in integrating other interfaces into the ERP which I was supporting. I knew I impressed them with my familiarity in supporting ERP issues but I didn’t expect to be chosen as I’m not techy at all. I was tested on SQL skill and I honestly told the tech guys that I only knew simple query and usually use excel to further work on the data I extract, and yes, I did a vlookup to their SQL question instead on a join statement. LOL!!! After near to close to a month of waiting, I thought I didn’t get it. But I really wanted it so much, and I thank God for giving me this strong desire for this role that I was thick skin enough to text the HR to ask if they were still considering me. Haha! Indeed, they were and long story short, I got hired.

I knew that this was going to be a far greater challenge than my first job and my confidence level was really low during the first month. Like my first job, I didn’t see myself fitting into the role and it was worse now, I didn’t see myself adapting to the new environment at all. I prayed really hard and kept in mind that I was there to glorify His name. In this short 3 months, I self-declared myself as the internal Oracle expert and nobody denies it, at least not in the open. Lol! Yes, in just a short 3 months, God raised me up to this position that I thought was impossible for me. And He brought people to befriend me and I am adapting well here, better than my previous company. I am surprise! 

This role is still very challenging and I am being squeezed dry taking on the different roles. I would say that I’m a very worthy employee that they have hired as I am a multi-in-one worker – Functional support, integration point support, report writer, coordinator, etc. Yes, I am a one-man show now as my manager left. I have been working from 10am to 4am every single day since 1.5months in to this job, from preparing to launch this project, to now, the first month-end we’re going to have with this system. To be honest, I haven’t have time to quiet my heart to spend quality time with the Lord. Something which I miss very much. But every single day, I keep my random little prayers to Him and continue to praise Him. And He never failed to help me through all the obstacles I met in this project. Stupid mistakes I did, He empowered me to undo the mistake and revealed to me more knowledge on this system through it! How great is our God! He is so great!

All in all, I feel very blessed and every day, I have reason to praise Him! My job is my testimony of how God can make the impossible possible. My heart’s desire is for more to recognize Him, and this is even more so for my two brothers. My human intellect cannot imagine how it can be done, and I can only purely rely on God to make this possible. 

The things that God has blessed me at work, I concluded one day that I am favored by God. But following this conclusion, God spoke to me, that it is not favoritism, it is because I am His CHILD, His beloved CHILD that He give me these blessings! How loving our Heavenly Father is! I’m touched and I rejoice that I can the CHILD of GOD!

If anyone is to come by this blog and see this post, I pray for you to be encouraged, not by my words, but by what He has done for me. He is doing the same for you, not just today or tomorrow or 10 days later, He is blessing you every single day! I do not have a smooth sailing day every day, but praising the Lord enables me to pull through all the difficulties. God already know what we need in our lives. Prayer is a communication and building of relationship with Him. And to me, praising is acknowledging what He is going to bless us! In difficult times, Holy Spirit prompted me to praise, and He never fail to make me praise Him to the end! Being His CHILD is the greatest thing that happened in my life!

Thank You Jesus

Thank You Jesus by Hillsong. Original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHaQDS1_uvA

I had never expected myself to become a Christian. But I’m glad to have found Him and realised that He has been with me all along. I’m the only one who has an English name in the family. I didn’t like the name as people will often misunderstood me as a male until they see me in person. After accepting Christ, I realised the significance of my name. Chris means follower of Christ. For a staunch Taoist/Buddhist parents to have given me such a name, I can only say that God already love me so much before I accepted Him.

I love the bridge of this song which says: “You’ve given me life, You’ve opened my eye, I love You Lord, I love You Lord, …”

Indeed, through You, I realise the true purpose in life. Indeed, You have revealed to me the much greater plans You have installed for me. It is because of Your love that I want to love.

Not easy to be a good Sis

It's really difficult to explain the difference of giving an advice and being controlling. It hurts me so much when he told me not to control him. Since when have I been controlling him. I admit that I'm naggy and pushy but I never did lay down any rules for him to follow. I know that he's matured enough to know what to do and what not to do, so I never did manipulate him. I only gave advice which he seldom heed, especially when it comes to rs. Friends advice may be the most pleasant to the ears, but my advice is the most far-sighted yet the most crude one. It's not easy to be the sis, even more difficult to be a good one. Bear with the hardship, swallow the pain, pray that he'll understand me one day.

Florescat Concordia

My dearest didi has been posted to yj, my alma mater. I'm feeling very excited for him. It's as if I've just graduated yesterday and tomorrow, he's going to be a yj-cian too. Time passed so fast.

Jc life is most memorable to me. From primary to secondary, I had been a quiet student, even among friends I don't talk much. It's only till jc that I suddenly come to my senses and feel more alive in school. I spent quite some time opening up to my classmates but we had  crazy and fun moments together in school. I feel bonded to this class that's why I try to organise a gathering annually. It's the only time when I can feel the bond we had before. Though all of us have changed and not everyone feel the same as I, I'll still continue this annual gathering, until the day when nobody wants to turn up.

Also in jc, I started having more thoughts, too much and too deep, that I lose myself. Started to feel that studying was such a torture, begin to be lazy and became a procrastinator. Results went downhill and hit the lowest pit for A levels. Praying hard that my didi won't follow my path.

I'm very happy that my didi worked hard during the O levels and make it to yj. I'm so thankful for having such a mature and sensible didi. Hope he'll have the most memorable time there and heed our advice to study hard.

A post to my dearest friend...

Maybe you do not know, once in a while, I'd  pop by your blog still. I believe I'm not the only one concerned about your inner thoughts. It pains to see those painful entries in your blog but it's definitely a good way to vent your emotions, so do continue to write. Sometimes, it's easier to pen down thoughts than to confide to someone. I knew all the troubles you were facing and the extent of them, but I didn't know you felt suicidal, which is the reason why I'm dedicating this post to you. I'm a good listener but may not be a good adviser as I'm not good in my speech too, so like you, penning it down will be much better.

Let me share my opinion on getting a degree. When I first enrolled into SIM, very reluctantly, I thought I was doing it as my mother always expected us to enter uni. Since I can't get into local uni, it's just too bad that I have to end up in a school which I never considered before. First year was bad cos I wasn't motivated to study at all, AT ALL(must emphasise, lol!). I asked myself why should I pursue this useless degree when I've already planned to start my own business. Like you, I don't have high expectations in life like pursuing high positions or whatever, just merely want to lead a normal and satisfying life doing what I like. Pursuing this degree is so that I won't fail those people around me-friends, family and relatives. 

But my mother's passing woke me up. I had new responsibility-to be a sis-mum to my younger brother. I have to secure my own future in order to carry on this responsibility. I need financial stability. I could  have just venture into my business but I'm not a risk taker. The slow and steady way is to have a degree as a back-up. This 'useless' degree is not so useless afterall, it is my trump card if my business fail. I have a set a good example for him too. I had failed terribly in my A levels, this is the last chance I have in SIM to pick myself back up on the academic path. Education is important and I would never want to see him walking my path or refuse to pick himself up if he happen to fail. I see how important this paper is. It's a certificate of a good role model to your juniors(or your children in the future), and of course financial stability.

All of a sudden, I realise that the expectations from others are 'imaginative'. The only one who has expectations for me is me-myself only. It's only when I loss the one who's closest, the one whom I thought I was doing all these for, that I realise that they are just excuses. Why do I say this? Cos ultimately I'm the only one who will be directly affected whether or not I get the degree. Your parents don't need your degree to survive. Your relatives and friends won't be affected whether or not you get the paper. I learnt expectations from people are just merely saying words of encouragement, so I learnt to take it lightly. I work towards my own goal instead of those 'expectations. I feel so much happier pursuing this degree for myself. Of course the fact that this piece of paper will be a good role model for my didi also encourage me to continue on in this course.

What I want to tell you is to study for yourself. If your family is your motivation, let them motivate you and not make you stress. In fact, those people whom you feel are having high expectations for you are Godsent. They are meant to encourage you, but you turned these expectations into stress. The Lord has always been with you, doing wonders in your life. You're so caught up in your stressful world that you fail to appreciate little things He is doing for you.

God gave us free will, that why He gave you the choice between SIT and NTU. At first it was only SIT, why did NTU suddenly grant you the scholarship. I believe you prayed when deciding which uni to enrol in. You wanted NTU to be in the choice too, that's why the Lord granted you the opportunity to earn the scholarship from NTU, and you got it. To me, I believe that the Lord didn't specifically lead you to choose any of the institute. He wants you to make your own decision, and from them, He will lead you on. So it's wrong of you to say that you haven't listen to Him by making the choice to enter NTU. You are disobedient to Him by blaming yourself for making the wrong choice and not having faith that He will help you through your struggles. Satan has gotten all over you, conquered your mind with those evil thoughts. Ending your own life is the starting of greater tortures in hell and even hellish life for the loved ones you leave behind. Never entertain such thoughts. 

The Lord is trying to talk to you, to teach you how to pull through these struggles. Cf and I had the thought of studying with you at the same time. We didn't dare to propose to each other the plan to study with you due to the passed incident. Eventually, we told each other about it and was surprised that we shared the same thought. I believe this thought was not coincidental. We are some of the people the Lord has planted. I don't know about other's mission, but I believe our mission is to bring you back to the house of the Lord as you need Him the most now. Cry out to Him, but open your ears wide to receive His words too.

Time to end this long post. If you feel comfortable to confide to me, feel free to bombard me with messages or call me. I'm more than happy to lend an ear. =D

Filial Piety towards a Jerk? He doesn't even deserve empathy!

I'm heartless and remain this way towards that jerk. No matter how ill he'll get, I won't give a damn. I've learnt from my past mistakes, to never ever forgive him.

Outsiders see us as unfilial and heartless or whatsoever, but we're not going to change. He doesn't deserve any good from us. If you're saying we should repay him from bringing us up, sad to say, he didn't. He only left deep wounds inside our childhood.

My bro was accused of stealing his money at the age of 13 or 14. Do you know what he did? That jerk went all the way to school and told the principal the my bro stole his money! Will any parent do that to humiliate his child?! He did. And guess where the money was found? He hid it underneath a shelf and forgotten that he put it there. Ridiculous!

Then comes to my younger brother. He was the youngest thus we dote him a lot. He was never under the cane, untill one day that jerk hit him with a belt for don't know what reason. He was super traumatised then. But he's forgiving.

As for me, I've tolerated him for umteen times. Despite knowing that he betrayed my mother for unknown number of times, taking what I did for him for granted for so many occasions and bringing my mother so much hardship, I forgave him again and again. Everyone who has eyes would have seen how much I tried to help in the past.

Other than scarring our childhood, he haven't contributed financially to the family. All the money he earned, is just for his own survival. Spend the money on betting and women. Even if he did give my money, he has already taken all back and taking even more than he should. How much do you think the Kueh business earn? Bearly enough to cover our family expenditure then. Though he made the kueh, he was paid by my mother $1k every month. Imagine, $1k from this small business. Where did the $1k go? To bets and women again. My mother just act ignorant, let him anyhow spend.

He was jailed a few years back. For what reason? Being a "Tua Pek Gong" for a massage centre where the women inside engage in more intimate business. For your info, "Tua Pek Gong" means you register as the boss of a company but in actual fact, you are not the real boss. The business enaged is illegal thus the real boss need to find a fighure head to help him carry the blame if the illegal business is caught. Stupid right?! When we visited him, he complained about how unbearable it was to stay in the jail, unlike the previous time when he commented that the bed was good and food was nice. He asked my mother to raise money to bail him out. And of course my mother did to minimise his days in prison.

We thought he repented and maybe would be a good husband when the Kueh business started. But he became more yayapapaya. Keep showing off to people how good he was in doing this business, not crediting any to my mother. My mother was the one who perfected the recipe for the Kueh, but he claimed all the credit. Nevermind, my mother bear with it. But he continued to frequent geylang. How we know? The parking fines he got were mostly in Geylang. Would anyone believe that he went there just to look for friends? My mother turned a blind eye and just helped him paid for all fines.

Playing with women outside was tolerable to my mother. But he crossed the line by fooling around with the maid. Yes, a maid. Not one but two. But my mother acted ignorant too until the second maid accuse him of molestation. My mother really broke down then. Outsiders thought that it was because the business was failing that caused financial problem, but the fact was he created this trouble. He fooled around with the first maid and was jealous that the maid was lying on another man's bed, after cooking the kueh, and sent her back to indo out of anger. And guess what, the maid was pregnant for 1 month when she returned to indo for less than a month. My mother suspected that it was his child, and quarelled with him, but he denied. Then, I thought my mother was oversupicious. But it all made sense to me now. About the molestation, as the first maid was gone, the second maid became his target. The second maid ran away to the embassy and wanted to sue him. But my mother fork out $10k of more to stuff the maids mouth.

Just bearly half a month, my mother suffered losses through failing business as the quality of the kueh couldn't be maintained and wasting $10k over just to save that jerk from jail term. Technically, it was correct to say that my mother suffered depression due to financial problem, but the actual fact was she was so disappointed in that jerk.

My mother married him in 1981 at the age of 21, when she was so young and definitely had alot of suitors. But she chose him as outsiders told her that she should be married to him, and since she had given her everything, she was married to him. Nobody knows that she still hold the grudge of having to abort so many times during the 5 years courtship. She said before that she had nightmares. I believe she regretted marrying to him. But she had very traditional woman and divorce was never an option even if she mention it during a quarrel. I regretted seeing the fact only when I grew up. If not, she might be more daring to accept the fact that she should divorce him. When we grew up, it was too late. She had the misconception that we grew up because we had a complete family. But the fact is because we had a wonderful mother who could make up for the loss of fatherly love.

For 29years, she had suffered so much. She deserves to have a good retirement in less than 10years time. But she was pushed to the corner and death was the only option she saw to let us have a comfortable life. It was a wrong decision of hers. But she still a good mother. Yesterday was Mother's Day and believe she came back. Or at least she heard me and casused that jerk to be ill. I'm queitly happy that punishment for him is coming. And I see hope that there'll be justice, for my mother who chosen death due to an ungrateful, incapable and heartless husband. His retribution will be to suffer the same pain that my mother had suffered, we won't love or care about him, like he never love and care about my mother but put up an act when she was dying.

Say all you want people, but you are not in our shoes and we won't be like my mother, listen to outsiders advice and regret for 30 years.

Dual Character

It's going to be 6 months soon. Half a year... I just can't let go.

My purpose of this post is not for anyone to give me any word of concern or whatsoever. Just felt the need to let those who read this to know that I'm not how I look. Perhaps it's to prevent you all to feel extremely shock and disappointed when I finally break down one day.

To those around me, nothing seems wrong with me. I still carry on my life just that I have no mood for anything, no more drive. The hatred towards that jerk just builds up each day, in fact, each second. His presence and sickening voice, just makes my heart boils. I can feel my heart shivering, like a volcano that's going to erupt.

I should not let this grudge stay in me, I know. But how can I let go? Nobody understand the pain and I don't ask for anybody to understand this pain, but I hate it when I'm ask to be strong and not to break ties with that jerk. I'll be sick in the mind if I were to tolerate living with this jerk.

My cousins have been helping us out with the assests my mama left. I'm really thankful for their help but I feel that their mentality is quite screwed. Want us to let that jerk stay in this house and we're not suppose to chase him out no matter what stupid things he do?!!! I'd rather die man! Before my mama passed away, she instructed them to help with the assests. But she's already dead and they want to keep us together cos she instructed them. I don't know how to explain to them, I'll just keep silent, my logic and theirs just clash.

Why did my mama choose the path? I never blame her and she's still the mama I love the most in my heart. I know why she did it, cos I know her pain. Now, I'm suffering the pain for her cos I need to face that jerk. Yes, she did it to escape from that jerk, from the fact that she's failed to find a good husband. Then why did she still want us to be with that jerk? Like what she always told me, till the day she died she still can't forgo the love she has for him. She just want us to continue to take care of him cos she doesn't want to owe him anything. I'd tried convincing her to divorce, but she didn't want to as she believes in recarnation and didn't want to owe him anything and repay him in the next life.

But I'm not going to suffer like my mama. Since they don't want us to kick him out. We'll move out. Everyday, I'd hope that we no longer have to face that jerk. But day by day, we have to face the reality.

This life is ours and we choose to do what we do. Sorry cousins if you all don't agree to, if such things happen to you all, I doubt you all can be so tolerant. Things that are right may be wrong, vice versa. I appreciate all that you all have done, but I shall remain silent from now.

I'm strong and tolerant on the surface, but deep down, I'm vengeful and depressed.