It's going to be 6 months soon. Half a year... I just can't let go.
My purpose of this post is not for anyone to give me any word of concern or whatsoever. Just felt the need to let those who read this to know that I'm not how I look. Perhaps it's to prevent you all to feel extremely shock and disappointed when I finally break down one day.
To those around me, nothing seems wrong with me. I still carry on my life just that I have no mood for anything, no more drive. The hatred towards that jerk just builds up each day, in fact, each second. His presence and sickening voice, just makes my heart boils. I can feel my heart shivering, like a volcano that's going to erupt.
I should not let this grudge stay in me, I know. But how can I let go? Nobody understand the pain and I don't ask for anybody to understand this pain, but I hate it when I'm ask to be strong and not to break ties with that jerk. I'll be sick in the mind if I were to tolerate living with this jerk.
My cousins have been helping us out with the assests my mama left. I'm really thankful for their help but I feel that their mentality is quite screwed. Want us to let that jerk stay in this house and we're not suppose to chase him out no matter what stupid things he do?!!! I'd rather die man! Before my mama passed away, she instructed them to help with the assests. But she's already dead and they want to keep us together cos she instructed them. I don't know how to explain to them, I'll just keep silent, my logic and theirs just clash.
Why did my mama choose the path? I never blame her and she's still the mama I love the most in my heart. I know why she did it, cos I know her pain. Now, I'm suffering the pain for her cos I need to face that jerk. Yes, she did it to escape from that jerk, from the fact that she's failed to find a good husband. Then why did she still want us to be with that jerk? Like what she always told me, till the day she died she still can't forgo the love she has for him. She just want us to continue to take care of him cos she doesn't want to owe him anything. I'd tried convincing her to divorce, but she didn't want to as she believes in recarnation and didn't want to owe him anything and repay him in the next life.
But I'm not going to suffer like my mama. Since they don't want us to kick him out. We'll move out. Everyday, I'd hope that we no longer have to face that jerk. But day by day, we have to face the reality.
This life is ours and we choose to do what we do. Sorry cousins if you all don't agree to, if such things happen to you all, I doubt you all can be so tolerant. Things that are right may be wrong, vice versa. I appreciate all that you all have done, but I shall remain silent from now.
I'm strong and tolerant on the surface, but deep down, I'm vengeful and depressed.
My purpose of this post is not for anyone to give me any word of concern or whatsoever. Just felt the need to let those who read this to know that I'm not how I look. Perhaps it's to prevent you all to feel extremely shock and disappointed when I finally break down one day.
To those around me, nothing seems wrong with me. I still carry on my life just that I have no mood for anything, no more drive. The hatred towards that jerk just builds up each day, in fact, each second. His presence and sickening voice, just makes my heart boils. I can feel my heart shivering, like a volcano that's going to erupt.
I should not let this grudge stay in me, I know. But how can I let go? Nobody understand the pain and I don't ask for anybody to understand this pain, but I hate it when I'm ask to be strong and not to break ties with that jerk. I'll be sick in the mind if I were to tolerate living with this jerk.
My cousins have been helping us out with the assests my mama left. I'm really thankful for their help but I feel that their mentality is quite screwed. Want us to let that jerk stay in this house and we're not suppose to chase him out no matter what stupid things he do?!!! I'd rather die man! Before my mama passed away, she instructed them to help with the assests. But she's already dead and they want to keep us together cos she instructed them. I don't know how to explain to them, I'll just keep silent, my logic and theirs just clash.
Why did my mama choose the path? I never blame her and she's still the mama I love the most in my heart. I know why she did it, cos I know her pain. Now, I'm suffering the pain for her cos I need to face that jerk. Yes, she did it to escape from that jerk, from the fact that she's failed to find a good husband. Then why did she still want us to be with that jerk? Like what she always told me, till the day she died she still can't forgo the love she has for him. She just want us to continue to take care of him cos she doesn't want to owe him anything. I'd tried convincing her to divorce, but she didn't want to as she believes in recarnation and didn't want to owe him anything and repay him in the next life.
But I'm not going to suffer like my mama. Since they don't want us to kick him out. We'll move out. Everyday, I'd hope that we no longer have to face that jerk. But day by day, we have to face the reality.
This life is ours and we choose to do what we do. Sorry cousins if you all don't agree to, if such things happen to you all, I doubt you all can be so tolerant. Things that are right may be wrong, vice versa. I appreciate all that you all have done, but I shall remain silent from now.
I'm strong and tolerant on the surface, but deep down, I'm vengeful and depressed.
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